Yes, another academic year soon... but not until the 16th, for me at least! [12 days or there abouts]

I also have a new hair cut. Feels really short too and incomparison to the 18 or 20 inches it was before - it would! It also means it will dry quicker! Yay! It will also take less time to wash! Yay! And so the world is good.

May have to change my fringe a little because it's not really how I wanted it - might need the aid of a friend XD 'cos I know a few who do their own and have looked good, so I guess they know what they are doing. And I do not.

In other news... Ex-boyfriend [Mr.Clueless], who said before he's changed the way he feels for me, must be feeling lonely because he's asked if we can be "Friends with Benefits" -- not that many benefits though, I have certain limitations to people who don't want to give me commitment.

And I want to tell him yes because: I still have feelings for him; it could lead to something, like a relationship [thats could but still may not];  I don't like rejecting him; and... I am also lonely. Which happens when you want to be in a relationship and haven't been in one for a while - or can't see any happening on the horizon.

And I want to tell him no because: he said his feelings had changed; I don't want to be the one he turns to when he can't get anyone else; I want to be in a relationship and therfore I don't like the idea; and... how many other friends with benefits does/will he have?

I just don't know what to answer him. I want to say yes. I want to experience the rush. I want to have a chance at changing his mind about us - but then again. I also don't want to go into something I'm going to get hurt in, or do something stupid.

I guess, if I ever said yes, I'd have to figure something else to get out before I got hurt. Saying no will be hard work too... I'm going to have to make it seem like if he'd asked me out I would have said yes but not in so many words so he doesn't ask me. I don't want him to ask me because I know I'll say yes, and I don't think it will last. Saying that I never really beleived he'd stay with me when we were together, not until the last few weeks of the 1 year and 4 months. Which is a pity, because maybe it would have been more helpful for the relationship.

In other news I have been watching Supernatural. In a few days the next series airs in the USA but not england we'll have to wait a while. Maybe I could stream it, though?  Watching series 4 at the moment, have just finished episode 8.

So I'm going to my wifey's tomorrow. Yes, she's moved again. But it's closer to me and so it costs less via train - which is always a plus. Not that I'm the one paying for this journey.

She also has a puppy - another big plus.

I have just received money - another plus.

I was supposed to be packing, as I'm going Friday (but, yeah, really I could say today) and coming back on Sunday. However I havent even started getting stuff in preparation to going!

I have to tidy my room too, and I havent started.

I have to move all my college stuff from downstairs - though that won't take long as I can chuck it in my college corner- I haven't started that either.

I also said I would clean the kitchen's hob - and I havent. It really does need cleaning too.

Then I need to do other things, like have a shower... make my legs presentable incase I am able to wear shorts... and of course - wash my hair!

I hate washing my hair. Not because it doesn't come out nice, because it does. I like how when I wash it it's smooth, soft and really actually quite nice, but I don't like having to wash it. You wet it, shampoo on, rinse off, shampoo again (because I hear it's better for it - and with such long locks it probably does some good), rinse off, condition, rinse off, continue for a little longer just to be sure... and then you have to dry it.

I really hate is standing over my bath with the shower head. It hurts my back most of the time but it has to be done, mainly because I don't like doing it in the shower as I'll get shampoo and conditioner in my eyes. I hate that the most. Unfortunately I have to do it - and so it takes over an hour because I spend ages drying it and thats the bit I really hate.

If it didn't take so long it would be okay. Say if I had a wig. Then I'd be happy because I'd only have to put it on and walk away. 'Course I'd have to choose it first but it would be much more simple.

Ugh! 

And I have to put some washing on. Why am I so un-organised?! Though, surely I can do all that if I get up at 9 and leave the house about 1...ish?

x Retarded Pants

I've kind of being thinking alot lately. And whilst I've been thinking, I've realised something, and subsequently I'm regretting everything...

You see, Mr Clueless was once such a good boyfriend, so much more happy than he was... and then I decided to move.

Honestly, beleive me, it's my fault. All of it. He changed alot after that. I realised a while ago that it had broken his heart and I was ashamed of that, but now I realise that the hurt it caused was more deep than that. It's like I betrayed him, to his core. For that I am truly shameful.

And I can't beleive I did it. I can't beleive I didn't understand how horrible it must have been for him. And it's not going to work out at all because he doesn't like me in the same way - he doesn't love me. Though I don't think he's said that, I think he means that.

So yeah. It was my fault all along. It's giong to take a while for me to get over this idea... another fling would help.